This past weekend, I attended Quaker meeting service at the meeting house I frequented with my family as a young child. It is 45 minutes away from my house so in many ways this was a journey both spiritually and literally. The distance is the ultimate factor that pushed my family away from Quakerism, It became too impractical to drive an hour and a half every sunday for some silence. It also didn’t help that my parents had a child who blatantly disregarded the religion and religion in general for that matter. It was only recently that I came to the conclusion that revisiting this place with so much significance to my childhood. As a kid, all that quakerism did for me was give me unwanted attention from teachers and students whenever the topic of Quakerism arose in any context, no matter how random. On one occasion that I remember maybe a little too specifically, Ms. Inbusch intruded upon every boundary that a seventh grade Ben Sellers had set up over the years regarding my less fairly uncommon religious upbringing. On this specific occasion, Quakerism came up through one of the characters in a book we were reading. To my chagrin, someone shouted out, ‘Oh, isn’t Ben a Quaker?!’ So as abruptly as the kid yelling that statement, Ms. Inbusch had me out of my chair, explaining what Quakerism is. On paper, I knew next to nothing about Quakerism except that at the end of every sunday school session, I was forced to sit in silence with the adults for fifteen of the worst possible minutes on earth. So in front of my class and already feeling alienated, I was forced to stumble through what it was that I experienced every sunday. Mind you, Ms. Inbusch was not a teacher you could easily say no to, or at all for that matter. After that experience, I never willingly divulged anything about my family’s beliefs, especially to english teachers knowing their blatant disregard for my anxiety about the topic. Since seventh grade I have grown up a lot, I am not self conscious about Quakerism in the slightest, and I think it may be because I have distanced myself from it so much. So, when I was asked to bring one of my classmates to the Quaker meeting I begrudgingly attended as a little one, I thought almost nothing of it, after all it's not like I have to believe what the meeting stands for to attend it or expose my friends to it.

The only concern I had in my head upon embarking on my journey to Milwaukee for this service was whether my classmate and friend Alyssa would really sit still for an entire hour in silence, because I had not yet witnessed such a feat. What struck me instantly upon pulling up to the meeting house was how much the surrounding area had changed. The neighborhood that the meeting sits in as a child was always very sketchy and run down, but in 2015 hipsters had completely taken over. Now, the run down old textile buildings had been transformed into beautiful coffee shops and micro-breweries. It was hard to find a spot on the side of the road to look at that was not populated by a twenty something with an obnoxiously large beard and what I could only imagine were faux glasses due to the shear frequency of their appearance. The point is, my opinion of quaker meeting had already changed before even stepping foot into the meeting house. When I finally did arrive at the meeting house I was instantly reminded how beautiful the meeting house and the surrounding scenery was. The Milwaukee Friends Meeting sits upon the Pleasant Valley nature reserve, split in two by the Milwaukee River. The short walk in made me realize that I might not have as mediocre a time I remember having as a child.

Immediately upon entry I was overwhelmed by the familiar smell, and the familiar people. Its not as though I remembered any of these faces, I just remembered the type of feeling they radiated and I did not realize until that second how much I missed that. As for the smell, it was unreasonably pleasant. The best I could do to describe it would be a mixture between a bonfire and a clean article of clothing. It smelled like home and as I went to grab my seat this thought was very apparent in my mind. We walked in as the pre meeting song circle was mid hym. They finished the song they were singing and immediately turned to us and acknowledged our presence asking our names and saying welcome and just seeming very genuine in what they were saying. As people flowed in, I became more and more excited for the silence to begin. I remember it starting with no real warning. It went from the relatively small group of maybe 2 quakers smiling and gently chatting, to complete silence within a matter of seconds. It was like they all had a sense of what they were supposed to feel like when meeting was to start and as a community decided on the moment that it would. At first I figured that they all had their eyes on a clock, but after further investigation I could not seem to find one. As the silence started I closed my eyes following the lead of the experienced quakers sitting around me. My mind started trying to figure out what to make of these wonderful feelings I was getting from this journey so far, and eventually I came to the conclusion that Quakers are really on to something.

I had yet to hear anything about god or scripture, two words that immediately trigger an alarm in my head. After a seemingly short time into the meeting someone stood up and shared their feelings about the individuals in Paris that suffered the tragedy that took place over the weekend. I was familiar with people standing up and sharing their feelings on a subject from my time in meeting as a child but I didn’t really understand it until this occasion. My mom was explaining to me in the days leading up to our trip to milwaukee that people stand up in meeting when they feel ‘the spirit’ moving them. This spirit could be any number of things, in many people’s case the spirit moved them to talk about their ties to Paris, though in all of these sharings, there was not a single tinge of bitterness. I witnessed first hand this so called ‘spirit’ move through someone when I opened my eyes for the first time and saw Maya sitting in front of my squirming in her chair. She slowly moved to the edge of her chair and stood up. Once standing she took a deep breath and then recited, in what I could only assume was flawless French, a beautiful phrase that meant something along the lines of ‘We must keep Paris in our hearts’ though it was much longer and much more beautiful. From there on my attitude through the silence was extremely positive. I kept thinking about how awesome it was to have this group of obviously very caring people around me along with my friends and mother who I all love and know that that love is reciprocated.

It is hard to remember each of the specific patterns of thinking I was following through this meeting but what I do remember is that they were all really special and interesting. Unlike myself as a child, I am really comfortable with silence and can occupy myself with my thoughts for hours upon hours. The fifteen minutes I used to spend every sunday in silence was always a difficult task and I would eagerly count down the seconds until I could stand up and get the heck out of there. Though on this day I felt like an hour wasn’t enough time to think about all there was to think about. At the end of each meeting these particular quakers stand in a circle, hold hands, and introduce themselves to the group. When it was my turn I said how I had not been to meeting in a handful of years and was excited to be back and was promptly greeted by a barrage of ‘Welcome Back’s. I ended my meeting experience talking with a few individuals about the beginnings of Quakerism and was taught about George Fox and how he created the Friends Church during the protestant reformation. It was all really interesting to me and I plan on taking to my family’s vast Quaker library to learn more on the subject. This journey was definitely a success, and I will be going back this sunday if all goes as planned. I am hoping to take advantage of the nature preserve the next time around and hopefully having more interesting chats with the wise old crowd.

This has helped me with my capstone research because it offered me some solid inspiration into my religious research. I am hoping from this experience and the steps I take with quakerism in the future,  I learn a great deal more about Quakerism and as a result my own spirituality.